


Finally...

by indecisivemess



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bullying, Fights, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 04:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16190441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indecisivemess/pseuds/indecisivemess
Summary: Today was the day.No matter what happened, she'd rather leave on a good day than on a bad one. If she still had good days at all. Or reasons to stay. Jessie just wanted everything to stop.





	Finally...

Today was the day.

She had said to herself at 5 in the morning, staring at the ceiling. The night had been long and dreadful. It could have been quiet too if her sister wasn’t snoring just by her side, sleeping peacefully like the world allowed it. Jessie sighed and turned her back to the person she shared most of her life, prefering to stare at the wall for a bit.

The plans for that day had all come together during her restless waking hours. Everything was set; now, she just had to wait. The alarm clock resting on the shelf told her it was already 6 am so she got up, her back remaining sore even after stretching herself, and the girl made sure all her alarms were turned off. As she made her way across the house, performing her usual steps to get ready, not even an yawn came her way. You’d think that having insomnias would leave you even more tired than not sleeping for two days straight, but it seemed the world was on her side.

At least that happened once in her life.

Jessie made her way to the train station and bumped into Misty right when she stepped onto the metal carriage.

-Jessie!- her best friend called excitedly, a few seats away from the back. She proceded to pet the free space right next to her, so the other student didn’t even thought twice as her body dragged her to Misty, drawn to the girl like a paper clip to a magnet.

-Hi- she smiled shyly, still recovering from just yelling in the half full train – Did you sleep well?

Jessie simply smiled, more strained and awkward than anything, and shrugged. Misty’s smile dropped.

-Insomnia, nightmare?- she listed, leaning forward on her seat to glimpse at the face of the hollow person just by her side. Jessie kept her expression neutral, like she trained all her life to do. It looked like all those years being bullied counted for something, in the end. –Did your mother…

-Yes –the girl cut her short.- The fight wasn’t pretty, my sister was terrified. Had to hide in the bathroom to not hear the screams. She tried to help, but my mother just got angrier. For the pettiest reasons too –Jessie shrugged again and dropped a little on her seat, sighing. –It doesn’t matter now, I’m over it.

She wasn’t, that could be seen by the way she rubbed her clothed arm, right over the darkening prints of a strong hand, but Misty had that pittyful look on her eyes. Those beautiful orbs, hid behind the lenses of her round, thin glasses, obscured by something so easily avoidable. Jessie made sure to never mention that subject again and quickly changed the subject to some random cartoon series she had been following. The girl wouldn’t be able to tell you which one it was even if she wanted to. Not only because she watched a lot of series, or had really bad memory, but it most likely was invented on the spot to keep the conversation going.

They got to their stop and made it through their colllege day together. Both went to the same university, and were even in the same class, but that only served to trample harder on Jessie’s anxieties. She was being a burden, literally and methaforically, due to the fact that Misty had it much easier when it came to speaking with other people. Just speaking in general, so she had to do all the talking for the two of them.

Misty would definitely made it to be a great, rightfull lawyer one day, for sure. Too bad Jessie wouldn’t be there to see it. That Friday unrolled like any other during class time, and after that, the girl friends made their way back to their little town, hopping onto one of the buses to get to Misty’s house.

Despite her full belief in her stupidity, Jessie had thought that ahead too many nights ago, to prevent any problems with her mother and to avoid any conflicts that could rise up with college. The fresh and welcoming air of the house she knew so well hit her face and the anxious girl felt her shoulders untensing as she stepped inside, making her way to the living room so Misty could change to her pajamas in the securty of her bedroom. It didn’t take long for her friend to come back, with some black leggings on and a really worned out shirt, its grey colour derived more from aging than from any other external factor.

Ungracefully, she dropped on the couch right by Jessie’s side, opening the laptop she had brought with her as the shy girl quickly hid away her phone.

-Already rping smut? Isn’t it like, 5 am in the states right now?- Misty smirked as she drooped her head on Jessie’s shoulder.

-One, it’s 7 am there. Two, Lizzi woke up from a really bad nightmare so three, I’m making a really fluffy and cute klance rp to calm them down.

-Klance is that ship from voltron, right?- she asked, not really familiar with the show, but keeping the few informations Jessie mentioned about it fresh in her mind.

-Yea- the anxious girl confirmed as she searched it to show to her.-  Tell me these two don’t look cute together

Misty snorted quietly and nodded, trying to cuddle her friend’s side as she searched for something for them to watch.

-You know you can put on that latest Free episode, right?- the brunette mentioned, not even lifting her eyes of her phone as she send another line from her rp.

-But you don’t even watch Free- Misty frowned, trying to pick at her face. It was one of those cute habits that she would definitely miss.

-I’ve watched some eps. And my sister told me the story of the other two seasons and the movie. –Jessie chewed discretely on her tongue as she dared to wrap an arm around her friend, slowly trying to see if she was stepping on any boundaries. –And I know you have been putting it off because of uni. Seriously, I don’t mind watching it.

Either from tiredness or from the physical comfort of being glued to another person, Misty didn’t complain or tried to press any further and put on the episode. They watched three of them, with the older girl maintaining her touch with Lizzi through text,  before the bells of the nearest church told them it was 4 pm. Jessie needed to go home. And so she did.

Like she had predicted, no one else was on the house. Her parents would be out until, at least, 8 pm and her sister stayed in school until 6.

Two hours for the completion of her plan.

Jessie quickly took a shower and changed to her favorite hoodie before going to her room. She glanced back, even though she knew perfectly well she was home alone, and took out a small paper bag from behind some books. A short intake of breath and everything was back in place, like she never had touched it, and she nervously made her way to the kitchen to grab a big glass of water. She took in every movement, as she popped the pills out of their safe confinements and let them drop to the table. When the small pile seemed reasonable, Jessie breathed in and out and played with all the different shapes and sizes in her palm before slapping them onto her mouth. The extreme amount of pills was slightly overwhelming and her eyes watered as she tried to gulped them all with the water in one go. It took a few tries, and her throat felt really abused and scratchy, but she couldn’t care less.

Once more she layed down, staring at her ceiling. But even so, her thoughts couldn’t have been more quiet. She never feared death, but she knew from searching that some people cried or regretted trying to killing themselves when their attempts failed. And now, as she counted the spots from humidity in the dried paint, she couldn’t help but smile. Everything would finally end! She didn’t need to bother Misty or Lizzi or her sister anymore! No one would have to deal with her anymore. Maybe her mother would feel guilty, maybe her father would be sad, maybe, maybe… there was no more room for maybes. Now there were only left certainties.

The only one that would truly miss her would be her cousin, but he only would miss the satisfaction her touch brought, how her soft hands jerked him off or how he could bite her chest and leave her feeling discusting on the inside and out while she thought how to hide the marks. It didn’t really seem to matter to him that she never gave him consent for his actions, or that they were cousins. His selfishness reduced all nights to intruding fingers where Jessie definitely didn’t want them or to horrifying nightmares when he didn’t keep her awake.

Maybe her bullies would be happy. She had tried to out them out by being the best student in school, but that didn’t stop them, did it? If anything, it madned them, made them more powerful. Their words, their cuts and hits, all of that she remembered. Not that she could really forget when the same scenario repeats day after day for 5 years. And in a small town like theirs, her death would spread to everyone’s ears in a matter of days, and extend the happiness of those that wanted her dead all those years back.

Jessie’s smile only grew bigger as she felt her consciousness sleeping away. She wasn’t sure if it was due to the drugs or the lack of sleep finally getting to her, maybe even both, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that everything was stopping, everything was ending. She couldn’t give two fucks about going to hell for killing herself, because all her mortal sins were much heavier than just taking her own life selfishly.

And with that thought in mind, she closed her eyes one last time. The message Misty send her right afterwards was never read. Her goodbye letter was opened wide in a word document of her laptop.

Considering her positon, she died happy, it would seem. Dressed like she had crashed on the couch after coming from college, she huggeg her favorite plushie, a small green turtle that she had since she was 6, loosely, taking them with her to the other side.

Her family saw her many hours later and desperadly tried to wake her up once they saw she wasn’t really waking up, but not even the doctors that had come in the ambulance could do much for the cold, pale body of an 18 year old girl that was already dead to the world way before that.

 


End file.
